


On The Mend

by FestiveFerret



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adult Discussions, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Complicated Relationships, Domestic, Feelings, Flirting, Fluff, Honesty, Injured Bucky, Injury, M/M, Post-Break Up, Recovery, Soft Love, Tony Plays Nursemaid, still in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:29:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28399989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FestiveFerret/pseuds/FestiveFerret
Summary: "Hey, darling." The pet name rolled sarcastically off Tony's tongue where it crawled across the floor and up Bucky's spine to stab repeatedly at his heart. "Guess who's still your emergency contact?"Bucky winced. "Shit."
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 35
Kudos: 822
Collections: StarkBucksBingo2020





	On The Mend

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ashy for beta!
> 
> Starkbucks Bingo  
> Square: I3 - Angst

Bucky clawed and crawled his way back to consciousness with an urgency born out of years of discovering that an unexpected loss of control of your faculties meant waking up was best done quickly and with your hands clenched in fists.

But when he finally got the messages through to his nerves to  _ move  _ and jerked up, half rolling out of bed, he found himself safely tucked up in his own bedroom. He gasped in a sharp breath that rolled through every rib in waves of aching pain and looked around. His own bedroom. Safe. 

A soft noise of surprise from the corner made Bucky twist around, and what he saw sent his heart rate skyrocketing. Not safe, after all, but not in the way he'd expected. "Tony."

"Hey,  _ darling."  _ The pet name rolled sarcastically off his tongue where it crawled across the floor and up Bucky's spine to stab repeatedly at his heart. "Guess who's still your emergency contact?"

Bucky winced. "Shit."

"Yeah, and see the worst of it is that even if SHIELD knows all the shameful, gorey details of someone's breakup, they're still legally obligated to call the name on the list instead of anyone else." Tony stood up and walked across the room, in that way he had that made it look like a pointless meander; Bucky knew every step he took was pointed. "You think you've got it bad? Head trauma, six broken ribs, third degree burns, broken ankle, broken nose - though, I think it's been straightened out from the last time you broke it, actually, so maybe that's a plus - that's nothing on the poor SHIELD medical intern who was tasked with that particular phone call. Think it took twenty years off her life, having to call one half of the most infamous breakup in celebrity history to tell them the other half is in a  _ medically-induced coma."  _ Tony flashed rage-filled eyes at Bucky with the last few words.

Bucky coughed then immediately wished he could take it back, as pain radiated up and down and back up again like the lights on a pinball machine. "Sorry?"

Tony stared for a moment then burst out laughing. "You are something else." He stepped forward and grabbed an empty glass from the bedside table. "It's a damn good thing I still love you. Most ex-fiancés wouldn't do this kinda shit." He took the glass and disappeared into the bathroom.

Bucky looked around the bedroom. His brain was sluggish and slow, like it was wrapped in a duvet and every thought was pulling a two-hundred pound dumbbell around with it. Tony reappeared and handed Bucky the glass. He touched it to his lips more on instinct than desire, but as soon as he started drinking, he realized how thirsty he was. He chugged back the rest in two long pulls.

Tony took the glass back but didn't refill it, turning it around and around in his hands, eyes fixed on Bucky. When Bucky just stared back, Tony's brow furrowed. "They said you'd be kind of out of it, but I didn't expect it to be this bad." He stepped closer and one hand cupped Bucky's jaw gently. "You okay?"

Bucky rolled that concept around in his mind and came up with a very pressing answer. "I'm gonna hurl."

Tony, to his credit, moved with astonishing speed and accuracy. Suddenly a trashcan was shoved in Bucky's hands, and he tipped forward, all the water and a painful amount of bile coming up. He kept heaving pointlessly for a while, after everything was already gone.

"Whoops," Tony said, still close by. "Guess the full glass of water was a bit much. Here."

A soft, warm, wet washcloth was shoved in Bucky's hand and he wiped his face with it. That was replaced with a new cup that contained three ice cubes. "Best take your time with those."

"Thanks."

Tony crouched low, filling Bucky's field of view. "You know what year it is, right? Who I am?" he asked gently.

"Yeah. It's twenty-nineteen. Pretty sure it's September, unless I lost more than a few days. And you're Tony Stark." Bucky's hand floated up to brush the pad of his thumb over the bridge of Tony's nose, suddenly needing to know he was really there. "I almost married you once."

Tony smiled. "Yup. Right on all accounts. And you lost three days."

Bucky looked around again, and it finally clicked into place why it was so strange that he was in his own bedroom. "How did I get here? Wasn't I in SHIELD medical?"

"You were, but once your super-body charged through all the drugs they'd given you, and it was all up to you if you were going to wake up or not, I made them transfer you here. It wasn't like moving you would make anything worse, and I knew if you came to in the ICU, at least someone other than you was getting their nose broken once you woke up."

"Oh." He wasn't wrong. "Thank you."

"Any time, sweetheart." Tony ruffled Bucky's hair. "You should probably lie down."

Tony's hand felt good. Another sluggish thought crawled its way in. "Wait," Bucky said, which had the unfortunate result of stilling Tony's hand. "You're here?"

"Mhm. Emergency contact, remember?"

"No, I mean in New York."

"Oh. Yeah… I'm here." Tony's eyes softened. "I don't think you realize yet how bad it was, Buck. They thought you might not make it. I took the red eye three days ago."

"Oh. Wow." Bucky realized belatedly that he was listing to the side, and he tried to straighten up, but that hurt too.

"I think you should lie down," Tony said softly. His hands guided Bucky back to the pillows. "Don't push yourself too hard. You're still healing."

"Okay…" Bucky let the soft down claim him.

**

"I still love you too, you know," Bucky muttered. His drift into wakefulness this time was gentler, easier. 

Tony's hand landed on his shoulder. "I know you do, big guy." He gave a soft squeeze. "You're supposed to try to drink a little broth this time."

"I'll try." Bucky groaned his way to sitting. His stomach churned, but not as badly as last time, and after a few deep breaths, he was feeling stable again. "Okay."

Tony handed him a mug that smelled salty and savory, and Bucky took slow sips, not wanting to see it make a reappearance.

"What time is it?"

"About four in the morning."

"Where are you staying?" Bucky asked stupidly.

Tony chuckled then pointed at the other side of the bed, which was rumpled. 

"Oh."

"Wanted to be close in case you needed me."

Bucky wanted to say  _ I always need you,  _ but he was finally feeling compos mentis enough to know that wasn't a good idea. "Thanks."

"Now that you're upright, I wanted to ask - do you want me to stay? I can hire a nurse with gentle hands and all the right curves to give you your sponge baths, instead."

"I'm sure you're busy. I don't need anyone's help."

"Hilarious. You have two options, Buckeroo. Nurse or me. It'll either be awkward cause the person helping you dress hasn't seen your dick before or awkward cause they have. Just pick one."

Bucky was silent.

"I won't be offended if you want me to leave."

Bucky snorted. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you I want you to stay without making you feel obligated."

Tony smiled. "Even though I've seen your dick?"

"You never had any complaints."

Tony whistled as he stood again, picking up Bucky's empty mug. "Sure didn't." He walked out, humming softly. 

Bucky took a moment to test all of his bits and pieces, flexing his fingers and toes. He was starting to heal already, but even serum-enhanced, a hit this bad would take time. The medics hadn't bothered leaving him with an IV, but there was a catheter and now that Bucky was properly awake, he wanted it out.

Tony returned. "You know, I wasn't kidding about the sponge bath, bud. You're a bit rank."

"Yes, please. And I'd like to piss on my own, as well."

"Doc said you could take that out whenever you could make it to the bathroom."

Bucky held out a hand, and Tony took it. He rocked up onto his one, still-working foot and took a moment to settle his balance. Tony shuffled along patiently beside him while Bucky took his time getting to the en suite. Once inside, Tony busied himself with the tub taps while Bucky took care of the catheter and relieved himself. The warm bathwater smelled like something fruity, and Bucky stumbled his way towards it with a needy moan.

Tony chuckled and caught Bucky in his arms. He braced him against the counter then peeled Bucky's t-shirt up and unceremoniously shoved his boxers down. He stepped back and raked his eyes up and down Bucky's naked body, looking considering.

"What do you think?" Bucky asked, flexing anything that didn't hurt, which wasn't much.

"Little bruised, but overall just as nice as I remember. Was kind of hoping you'd have gotten an embarrassing tattoo in the last two years. Maybe a new piercing."

"Serum wouldn't let me get either."

Tony helped Bucky sit on the edge of the tub. "Have you tried?" He lifted Bucky's bad leg and held it steady while Bucky swiveled around. 

"Yeah, tried to get an Iron Man on my ass but it wouldn't take," Bucky quipped.

Tony laughed, leaning over the edge of the tub as Bucky slid into the water with a happy groan. "Miss having me on your ass, baby?"

Bucky settled on the bottom of the tub. He tilted his head back to meet Tony's eyes upside down. "Yeah, of course I do."

Tony smiled sadly and petted Bucky's hair back from his face. "I have some temporary tattoos in my briefcase for the kids. Next time you pass out, I'll decorate you."

Bucky smiled and let his eyes close. A moment later, there was a soft splash and then a cloth rubbed small circles along Bucky's chest. He dozed in and out while Tony cleaned him gently, startling awake again an indeterminate amount of time later. "What time is it?"

"I literally have no idea. I took my watch off and it's honestly been a pretty confusing couple of days, schedule-wise. You tired?"

"Yeah."

"Come to bed." Tony helped Bucky up out of the tub and handed him a towel. He barely made it to the bed before he passed out, only drifting back in when the other side of the bed dipped and Tony's heat started to warm the sheets.

**

"I'm hungry."

"I've seen your medical records," Tony replied.

Bucky blinked at him. "So?"

"So I happen to know none of your fingers were busted in the explosion." He smiled sweetly from where he was sprawled on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table. "Order something yourself, peanut."

Bucky snorted. He pulled his phone out and started flipping through the delivery options. It was comforting to know that Tony hadn't changed much in the last two years. He settled on burritos, ordering extra to put in the fridge, and the fresh chips and guacamole he knew Tony loved. 

The last day and a half had been easier than Bucky expected. Tony's presence was a very welcome one, and it was so simple to fall back into their old routines, their old rhythms. The injuries were healing fast, though it'd likely be another four days before the broken bones were one hundred percent again, but Tony showed no signs of wanting to leave. They watched TV, they played cards, and Bucky read while Tony worked on his laptop. 

Bucky had graduated from broth to soup to crackers, and now his appetite was making itself known again. Other parts of healing were also making themselves known. "Ugh." He squirmed.

Tony looked up from his laptop. "What?"

"Itchy."

"Huh. Do you think that because you heal faster, you get itchy more intensely too?" Tony set his laptop aside and stood, stretching up tall.

"Thinking about super itching isn't really helping with the itchiness," Bucky whined.

Tony crossed the room to perch on the arm of Bucky's chair. He started running his fingers through Bucky's hair, scratching at his scalp. It wasn't where Bucky was itchy - those places were still too delicate to be scratched - but it was a welcome distraction all the same. He leaned his head against Tony's side and they stayed that way until a knock announced the food delivery.

**

That night, Bucky was perched on a stool, brushing his teeth, when Tony arrived in the doorway, leaning against the frame. 

"Do you still eat olives right out of the jar?" Tony asked.

"It's only been two years," Bucky said with a snort. "Pretty much nothing about me has changed."

"A few things have." 

"Oh, yeah? What?" Bucky pushed up off the stool and limped across the bathroom. 

Tony caught him under his elbow and supported his awkward shuffle to the bed. "I dunno," he mumbled. "Nothing I can put my finger on." He huffed. "Something."

"Only thing that's changed here is your stuff not being on the other side of the bed," Bucky said boldly. They both looked up in tandem to find a book, a pair of glasses, a water glass, and a phone charger on Tony's side of the bed. That table had been empty for the last two years, and Bucky's heart stuttered. 

Tony didn't say anything, but there was a new crease in his brow. He deposited Bucky on the edge of the bed then disappeared back in the bathroom for his own nighttime routine. 

Bucky shuffled under the covers, twisting around until pressure was off the achiest parts of him. A few minutes later, Tony reappeared. He flicked off all the lights, checked the door lock again, the way he always had every night they'd lived together, then returned to the bedroom. He climbed up on his side.

It was the first night Bucky had been lucid instead of exhausted at bedtime, and seeing the way Tony moved easily around his space made his eyes prickle. There was simply no chance he'd be able to keep to his side, so he didn't even bother telling himself he had to try. Tony had been affectionate and touchy with him since he arrived, so if he didn't want Bucky to get a little handsy at night, he should have taken the guest room.

Tony yawned and tucked himself down, rolling on his side to face Bucky.

Bucky mirrored his position so there was only a foot between them. "Thanks for coming."

Tony tapped one finger against the end of his nose. "You need me, I come. Always."

"I'm sorry that I didn't think to change you as my emergency contact with medical."

Tony smiled. "Not like I mind so much. Honestly, it'd be way worse to hear something had happened to you on the news."

Bucky couldn't help himself. He shifted forward and pressed his lips to Tony's. Tony sighed into the kiss and tilted his head, pushing deeper, seeking more contact. His hand found Bucky's hip under the covers and he squeezed once before breaking the kiss. He bumped his forehead against Bucky's and fluttered his eyes shut. "God, I wish you didn't have the serum sometimes," he breathed.

"Why?"

"Because then I could blame this on you being high on painkillers."

"Tony…"

"Sweetheart, this is a bad idea. This is just going to hurt both of us."

Bucky nearly growled with frustration. "I  _ miss  _ you." 

"I miss you too."

"Then why don't we…"

"Because we fucked it up last time and we're going to fuck it up again!"

Bucky covered Tony's hand where it still rested on his hip with his own. He wound their fingers together. "It was going pretty good there for a while."

"That just makes the ending worse."

"It wasn't -"

"Look - I can't. I can't lose you again. I just  _ can't.  _ I barely got through losing you the first time. Then in a hospital room three days ago, I thought I was losing you again… I don't think I'll survive another one, Buck. When two people both don't show up for their own fucking wedding, I think it says a little something about their relationship. We couldn't do it." He was almost pleading now. "We couldn't commit to each other. It was always going to end."

Bucky took a deep breath to settle the churning in his stomach. "I didn't want to marry you," he whispered. "But I didn't want to break up either."

"Bucky," Tony huffed. "Not wanting to marry me means something was  _ wrong."  _

"Well, you didn't want to marry me either."

Tony's eyes fell closed again. "I did… I mean. I don't know. I didn't. But I wanted to want to marry you."

"Because it was important to you that we get married or because you didn't want to go through the mess of the break up?"

"Because… because I love you," he said easily. "And we'd been together for three years, and everyone was always asking, and it seemed like it was time to fish or cut bait." 

"But why?"

"Because it's what you do! If marriage was that awful, that terrifying to us, it meant there was no future for us! We were just prolonging the inevitable. And - and it seemed like it was better to just go than to spend every day with a knife hanging over my head."

Bucky was quiet for a long time. Tony stayed pressed up against him, but he didn't sleep, and he didn't move to kiss him again. "What if it wasn't inevitable…?"

"What?"

"I've just been thinking a lot about, well… I was just wondering why it was inevitable. Couldn't we just have stayed boyfriends, partners, forever? Is it critical to you that you be with someone you can marry?

"I… I don't know. I guess it depends on why we couldn't get married, why we both bailed out."

Bucky pulled Tony's hand up to his heart and pressed it there, palm flat, covered over by his. "I couldn't marry you because I couldn't make those vows in good conscience. Because promising to put you first, when we both  _ know  _ we have to put the Avengers first, our duty to the world first, it felt fake, and wrong, and like a lie. There are a lot of promises I'm willing to make to you, but something about the way I see marriage… I just… I don't think I can ever marry anyone. Not with who I am and who I've been. I can't share my everything with you, because there are parts of me that are locked up for damn good reason. I just couldn't get up there in front of everyone and God and say til death do us part when four weeks earlier I had to choose to blow up a building with you in it to save a town."

"Well, I was fine," Tony said wetly.

"I know." Bucky kissed the end of his nose. "And I'm eternally grateful for that. But I couldn't marry you. It didn't mean I didn't love you, though, or that I wanted to break up. And I guess I never really said that part, and I'm sorry for that."

"I'm sorry too. I didn't really give you a chance to explain, if I'm honest. I was too messed up with my own cold feet." Tony squirmed a little. "But if you felt that way, why'd you say yes when I proposed?"

Bucky sighed. "I didn't want to lose you. It seemed so important to you so I told myself I'd be able to do it, right up until I couldn't." Bucky rubbed his thumb over the back of Tony's hand. "Can you tell me why you didn't go through with it?"

Tony sniffed hard. "I woke up that morning really, really nervous. And I went through my morning routine. And then I got to the kitchen, and I was a quarter of a bottle of scotch in before I realized I had just been drinking straight since I woke up, no food, no water. I just drank. And I looked at the ring I had for you and all I could think about was the time my mom lost her wedding ring. It just slipped off somewhere and she didn't know where. Dad was so mad cause it was expensive. He slapped her. He got drunk. Then he bought her a new one, even shinier, even more expensive. And she wore it. And I remember thinking:  _ why?  _ And then all I could think was:  _ why would you wear mine?  _ Sure, I wouldn't ever slap you. But I'd drink. And I'd say mean things. And you'd have to look at the ring every day and know you were bound to me. And I'd look at mine every day and feel sick that I hadn't lived up to being the husband you deserve." Tony made a soft, sad noise. "That's why I left."

"Did you have those feelings before you proposed? That you weren't good enough to be what I deserve?"

Tony laughed humourlessly. "Nope. It was like that little metal band activated all that shit I didn't know I had inside."

"What do you think would have happened if you didn't propose?"

Tony chewed his lip. "I don't know. I don't think it ever occurred to me that I might not. That's how you show you love someone that much. You just do."

"Did you love me that much?"

Tony raised his eyes to Bucky's. They were bright and wet. "Yeah. Of course I did. I didn't know how else to tell you, show you. I know we have crazy, mixed up, dangerous lives, and it's not like our relationship didn't get off to a very bizarre start, but I loved you that much. I still love you that much. It was a - an  _ affirmation  _ or something, right up until that morning and then suddenly it became a barbell I was strapping you to."

"You could have just bought me a car or something," Bucky joked, and was rewarded with Tony's laugh, the soft, giggly one he saved just for Bucky. "I think… I mean I get it. I know why you proposed and I get why you backed out.. And I'm sure if either of us had thought to talk about this before the day of the fucking wedding, things might have gone differently. But… I'll admit - no painkillers involved - that I want you, still. I love you, still. And honestly, now? If you told me not getting married was a dealbreaker for you, I'd do it, now. I'd want to be choosy about my vows, but if I explained to you what it meant to me and what it couldn't mean to me, and you were okay with that, then I'd do it. I panicked instead, and I'm sorry. But, god, Tony, I miss you so much. And I know we can't be friends - I mean just look at us, you can't even hold my hair back while I puke my guts out without sexual tension, so I know that ship has sailed. But if there's anything we  _ can  _ be that isn't just 'exes,' please tell me."

"Nursemaid and patient has a certain kinky ring to it that -"

"Tony…"

Tony petted light fingers over Bucky's cheek and down to his lips. He traced the bottom one, then circled back around to stroke over the top one again. "We can be anything," he murmured.

"Can we be together?"

A slow smile bloomed on Tony's face. "It would be a few months before I could start the process to move back to New York full time. Maybe we should use that time to try this out? See how it goes? We could alternate weekends here and there, once you're up for flying."

"You want to try?"

"Baby, I want  _ you.  _ The rest is just logistics. Say you're mine, and I'll do my best to never ask for another promise we both can't keep."

"I'm yours. Always have been. That's a promise I can keep easily."

Tony drew Bucky into another kiss, soft and sweet, and chaste. "And I'm yours. I'm staying until you can walk on that ankle without wobbling. Then I have to go, but I'll be back. Or I'll fly you out."

"Okay." Warmth was spreading up through Bucky's chest and it felt fantastic but it was making it a bit hard to breathe. How had all this happened?

"And, you know, next time you want attention from me, don't get yourself blown up, okay? A text will do."

Bucky laughed. "No promises we can't keep, sweetheart."

"I love you. Shut up and go to sleep. You're healing."

"I love you too. Shut up and go to sleep. You're still jetlagged."

Tony shuffled even closer, tucking his face in against Bucky's neck and sliding his knee in between Bucky's thighs. Bucky's healing body begged for sleep immediately, but he held it off, clinging to consciousness until he felt Tony's breathing even out against his chest. Only then did he let himself slide down into the dark, both arms wrapped around Tony's back, face burrowed in his hair, good ankle twined with one of Tony's. Only then did he let himself sleep.


End file.
